no need to wonder what's on my mind..

it's always been a challenge for me to remain present in the moment.

i go through my phases where it's easier than others.

now.

is not one of those moments.

i have found it more and more difficult to let myself just be. 

i am constantly thinking about the next moment, what needs to be done that isn't being done, what might happen in the future, what if this, what if that...

that i have lost touch with my ability to appreciate each moment as it happens.

to lovingly detach from it.

but be present for all of it.

i'm not sure why.

i don't know if it's fear.

i don't know if it's just too great a mystery for me to comprehend.

i don't know what it is.

school is losing it's mojo for me, i'm over the papers and countless busy assignments.

i so greatly ache for the "real world"

(which i've always hated by the way...we are all in the real world, nothing about school is fake...)

i just want more.

i want less.

and i want to be so right about my gut feelings.

so so very right.