no need to wonder what's on my mind..

it's always been a challenge for me to remain present in the moment.

i go through my phases where it's easier than others.

now.

is not one of those moments.

i have found it more and more difficult to let myself just be. 

i am constantly thinking about the next moment, what needs to be done that isn't being done, what might happen in the future, what if this, what if that...

that i have lost touch with my ability to appreciate each moment as it happens.

to lovingly detach from it.

but be present for all of it.

i'm not sure why.

i don't know if it's fear.

i don't know if it's just too great a mystery for me to comprehend.

i don't know what it is.

school is losing it's mojo for me, i'm over the papers and countless busy assignments.

i so greatly ache for the "real world"

(which i've always hated by the way...we are all in the real world, nothing about school is fake...)

i just want more.

i want less.

and i want to be so right about my gut feelings.

so so very right.

amen.

happened across this lil gem of a picture. and phrase. today on the internets.

and i love it.

hi. my name is.

siera eden.

i wear oversize sweats to bed...because they are insanely comfortable.

i love being stuck in traffic with my best friends.

i'm obsessed with floral print ANYTHING. especially dresses.

i love the sun.

music keeps me sane...and makes me wish i was a better singer.

i'm a lover.

not a fighter.

i want to make incredible films.

i don't care about being famous...in fact...it's the part of the job i like the least.

i just wanna act.

i will never be a size 0.

i got my first tattoo 8 months ago...i'm still obsessed with it. good sign.

i know myself better than i ever have before.

i love long talks.

and as much as i love talking...i do enjoy listening equally.

i'd rather be busy.

i love first kisses.

i love second kisses more.

i love finding the perfect nickname for someone.

i dislike girly colored nail polish...a lot.

i'll get married in a strapless dress.

in the summer.

i want to have 2 boys. i think...

i'm a chapstick-a-holic. my drug of choice....burts bees.

i've got BAD senioritis. really really BAD senioritis. 

i think you're wonderful.

i think you're witty.

i think you create sunshine in every life you're in.

i'll never stop taking pictures.

i'll also never stop writing letters to the people in my life about how fantastic i really believe they are...even if i'm too embarassed to actually send them.

i will never stop learning about myself and others.

and i will do my best. 

to let my faith be greater than my fear.

goodnight.

i feel.

stuck.

rushed.

impatient.

half full.

like i'm missing out.

behind.

and it's no good.

no good at all.

ew.

i wanna feel more like this.

she wants to blog yeah yeah yeah.

no point to the title.

moving on.

this is gonna be one of those scattered blogs. oh yes. yes it is.

so hold on tight babies.

let me start by saying i have a new favorite actress:

amanda seyfried.

you have got it goin on in so many ways it's scary.

the range you have shown thus far...is admirable.

if you've not seen 'Chloe' you should.

it's so disturbingly beautiful.

and her performance blew me away.

she is one to watch.

i am currently in one of the heaviest forms of PSD (post show depression) i've ever experienced.

for those of you who don't know.

i've had one helluva semester.

along with being IN a show.

i was also a crew head for ANOTHER show.

but it was faces like this that made me sane.

every.

single.

day.

and more. trust me. plenty more. but too many pictures is annoying.

just sayin.

i've always equated being a play like being in a relationship.

when you audition...it's like a first date.

if you get a callback...it's like a second date.

and then you see the cast list...and it's official.

the first few weeks of the rehearsal process are similar to a new relationship because you are so wide-eyes and excited.  you're constantly learning about your character, your cast mates, your director, all of it.

and then you go into tech, where hopefully, you have created a solid foundation.

and then there is the run of the show.

the wonderful, stressful, exciting, exhilarating run of the show.

and then there is strike. and then it's over.

it's bittersweet because hopefully you have not only fallen for your new theatre family, but you have grown because of them.

it's like the most beautiful breakup you can encounter.

it still hurts once it's over. but you know that you are better for having been a part of it.

ok. this is getting long.

so. for now.

i bid you adieu.

bye bloggers.